Post-Collegenism: Chapter 1 - The Ally Situation
"Thank you, thank you, it was all my fault."
It all started a few weeks after my breakup. Just looking around people's blogs I came accross hers and instantly became attracted to this girl from my school. Yet, there was only a tiny picture of her face and a whole lot of writing. A picture may say a 1000 words, but seeing a person in real life says a billion words. So when I saw her I didn't actually find her all that attractive. I mean I have definatelly seen worse, but I've also seen (and dated) better. So, the initial dillema was: I'm not exactly the hotest guy myself, why am I being so picky? But that's hardly a reason to date someone. So I decided to steer things into "friends mode" quickly and hope to just keep it that way.
Not so fast. The first side effect of slowing things down was that she became even more interested in me. She would call me up practically every day saying she wanted to see me. I agreed and on a few occasions did meet with her when it was convinient for me to do so (compare that with my girlfriend who I would meet at any time, in any situation, rain, snow, or whatever).
Then there is the fact that when I talk to women I sometimes end up inadvertantly falling into "boyfriend mode". That means saying little things that make them feel good. I can't help it. And "not calling often". Not calling is sooooo easy when you really don't feel like calling (surprise, surprise). But in the end, instead of pushing her away, this only made her more attracted to me.
So now the new dillema is maybe it's a good idea to go for somebody not-that-attractive who is really interested in me, rather than somebody attractive who isn't. I decided to invite her to an event on Wednesday, because it would be better than to go alone. But really she borders on the line between being girlfriend material and not being attractive enough. I just don't know what to do.
It all started a few weeks after my breakup. Just looking around people's blogs I came accross hers and instantly became attracted to this girl from my school. Yet, there was only a tiny picture of her face and a whole lot of writing. A picture may say a 1000 words, but seeing a person in real life says a billion words. So when I saw her I didn't actually find her all that attractive. I mean I have definatelly seen worse, but I've also seen (and dated) better. So, the initial dillema was: I'm not exactly the hotest guy myself, why am I being so picky? But that's hardly a reason to date someone. So I decided to steer things into "friends mode" quickly and hope to just keep it that way.
Not so fast. The first side effect of slowing things down was that she became even more interested in me. She would call me up practically every day saying she wanted to see me. I agreed and on a few occasions did meet with her when it was convinient for me to do so (compare that with my girlfriend who I would meet at any time, in any situation, rain, snow, or whatever).
Then there is the fact that when I talk to women I sometimes end up inadvertantly falling into "boyfriend mode". That means saying little things that make them feel good. I can't help it. And "not calling often". Not calling is sooooo easy when you really don't feel like calling (surprise, surprise). But in the end, instead of pushing her away, this only made her more attracted to me.
So now the new dillema is maybe it's a good idea to go for somebody not-that-attractive who is really interested in me, rather than somebody attractive who isn't. I decided to invite her to an event on Wednesday, because it would be better than to go alone. But really she borders on the line between being girlfriend material and not being attractive enough. I just don't know what to do.
posted by Ld at 10:28 PM
2 Comments:
Try being brutally honest with her. "I think you're girlfriend material but I'm not that physically attracted to you. Want to try it and see where it goes?" Trying out a relationship with her without being honest and up-front is likely going to hurt her.
Personally, my type of guy is the type of guy that would like a girl like me. If he doesn't call often and doesn't make a big effort to see me... [insert That Book's title here].
You don't come across as the sort of person who is pragmatic and calculating enough to balance a situation that uneven. {That is a compliment, BTW.)
You mentioned that you are into photography; ever considered posting some of your work on your blog? I especially like scenery/nature shots and pictures of cuddly animals.
And congratulations on graduating college! :)
Hey, how about trying to spend some time getting to know her instead of basing your dating her on looks alone.
You're too concerned that she isn't pretty enough or 'girlfriend material'.
Maybe if you'd open the book (rather than judge by the cover) you might find you actually dig her. You'd be amazed how much someone becomes irresitable once you like them for them.
~K
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